


Secrets Better Left Unsaid

by KattyWolfShark



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Anal Sex, Arin Hanson/Suzy Berhow (mentioned), Bangiplier - Freeform, Blow Jobs, Cheating, Dan Avidan/Mark Fischbach (light), Drunk Sex, Egobang - Freeform, F/M, Frottage, Hair-pulling, Heartbreak, Infidelity, Love Confessions, M/M, Masturbation, Unrequited Love, mild violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-18
Updated: 2015-08-23
Packaged: 2018-04-09 23:00:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4367567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KattyWolfShark/pseuds/KattyWolfShark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arin is in love with Danny. But he’s happily married to Suzy, and Dan is dating Mark. These secret feelings are tearing him apart inside. During a night of celebrating at the office, Arin sees his chance to finally lay his feelings out on the table and hopefully gain some closure. But things start to snowball and both men do things that they will surely regret the next day…</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Spreading Cracks

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for a prompt and was meant to be a drabble at first, but after about six hours of writing this happened. I hope you all love it, as it's my first attempt at a full Grump fic.

"Babe, quit, I gotta edit this - “

“Aw, Markimoo doesn’t have time for some Sexbang?”

“If you don’t get your hands off, you’re grounded, Mr. Avidan.”

“You guys are so cute you’re giving me cavities,” Suzy playfully admonishes from her desk, looking over at her husband with a smirk. Arin reluctantly returns it and tries not to stare at the other couple where they’re cuddled on the couch, Dan laying facedown across Mark’s lap with his arms around the other man’s waist as he edits his latest recording. 

Arin feels a wave of jealousy wash over him as he watches Mark lean down to peck Dan on the back of the neck before resting his laptop on his fluffy head. Dan’s resulting giggle is full of affection and Arin’s heart twinges. He forces himself to turn back to his computer, trying to concentrate on the task at hand, but he can’t focus. He can’t get Dan’s little laugh out of his head; it’s the same giggle he hears every day during Grump sessions, but for his lover. Arin can’t help but wonder what that giggle would sound like trailing into a breathy moan as he’s pressed backward into the couch with Arin straddling his lap -

He stands, somewhat abruptly, and makes a beeline for the bathroom, avoiding looking at the couch and it’s snuggling occupants. 

“Stupid, so fucking stupid, Hanson…” He whispers after locking the door behind himself, sitting on the toilet and pressing his face into his hands. “This needs to stop, you’re married for fucks sake, you love Suzy - “ 

He honestly did. His wife was his best friend and the love of his life. He couldn’t imagine a future without her. But that didn’t stop what he felt for his Not-So-Grump. Lately these feelings had gotten worse as Mark and Dan’s still-young relationship progressed and they became more physically affectionate around the office. Always kissing or touching in some way…

There’s a short rap on the door and the voice of the object of Arin’s thoughts calls through the door.

“Hey Arin, try not to destroy the bathroom too bad, people are gonna need it later when the party starts!”

He smooths his bangs back and forces a jovial tone. “Dude, my ass is making no promises. We can put a ‘Use at own risk’ sign on the door if we gotta.”

There’s a bubbling laugh. “Aw, fuckin’ gross, man,” It trails off as Danny presumably walks away from the door. Arin lets out a slow breath. That’s right. The party. Ross’s birthday. That was a thing that was happening. At least Mark wouldn’t be present, he thinks as he flushes the unused toilet and stands. Then he wouldn’t have to see them making out on the couch all night…

* * *

It’s a lively party, to say the least. There’s lots of people, music, and alcohol. Arin mingles accordingly, stopping to chat here and there. At one point he stops by the table, heaped with snacks and booze, and reaches for some watermelon in a punchbowl. Then he stops, looking at it more closely. A little notecard sign sits above the bowl, bearing the message ‘There’s alcohol in me!’. 

An idea forms in his head. It’s a shitty idea. A horrible idea. But he goes with it anyway. He loads a plate with a pile of slices and heads in search of Dan, stuffing a slice into his own mouth as he goes. It’s sweet; not tasting of alcohol at all. But Arin guesses that’s the point, so people could get as drunk as possible. Perfect.

Dan looks up as Arin approaches his seat, his eyes brightening when he sees the plate.

“Fuckin’ rad, I didn’t know there was watermelon!” He says excitedly, grabbing a slice and immediately launching into a story about something. Arin follows along, barely registering Dan’s words; thankful that his friend got so wrapped in his own stories he never noticed when somebody wasn’t fully listening. 

As the night wears on and Dan continues to demolish the plate of alcohol infused fruit, his words became more and more slurred. Arin had eaten another couple slices himself, thinking he would need the courage for this. 

Dan stands finally, swaying a bit.

“Dude, ‘m fuckin’ tired,” he mumbles, blinking blearily. “Think I’ll go lay down s’mwhere quiet-like…”

Arin gets to his feet, a definite buzz in his brain, and steadies the older man. “Dude, the Grump room’s soundproof, we can go chill there.”

“Kaaaaaaay,” Dan leans against Arin heavily as he leads him from the crowded room, trying not to focus on the tickle of his curly hair where it brushes against his neck. He hopes Danny doesn’t pass out; Arin wants him to hear what he has to say.

He pushes the door to the Grump room open and steps in, pushing it shut behind him with his foot as he lowers Dan to the couch. He flops on his back, one long arm dangling to the floor as he giggles up at Arin.

“Man, there’s like, three of you all swirlin’ around,” he grins lazily and Arin’s heart speeds up as he sits on the table across from Dan.

“Yeah…” He murmurs, running a hand back through his hair and taking a breath. “Look, Dan, I actually wanted to talk to you about something. Real-talk shit.”

“Hmm?”

“I feel like a royal piece of shit for saying this, but I think I’m in love with you.”

Dan’s mouth opens, but Arin cuts him off.

“I know, you’re with Mark, and I’m married to Suzy and I love her, and that’s why this fuckin’ hurts so bad. I feel wrong, about everything. I’ve felt like this for so long and I don’t know why I never said anything in the beginning before I got married, before you and Mark were together – “

“Yer fuckin’ cute, Hanson,” Dan slurs and Arin swears his heart stops. “All blushy and cute ‘n stuff. Suzy’s so lucky; she married such a cutie…”

“Wh-what?” Arin must not be hearing him right. He leans in closer to the other man’s face. “Dan, I don’t – “

His words are cut off abruptly as Dan’s long fingers grab a fistful of Arin’s shirt and pull him into a sloppy kiss that tastes like watermelon. Arin’s hands fly to his friend’s hair, tangling in the brown locks and tugging in a feeble attempt to pull the man’s face away from his own. Dan grips his shirt tighter and moans breathlessly into the kiss and Arin’s cock twitches in his shorts; he remembers Dan mentioning a while back that he had a thing for getting his hair pulled. 

“Danny,” he gasps against the older man’s mouth, inhibitions starting to slide. “You – “

“Mmm,” Dan’s tongue slides against his own as he pulls back slightly to look unfocusedly into Arin’s eyes. “Shut up an’ get over here, dude.”

And like that Arin’s thought process is gone as he scrambles off the table and onto the couch, pushing one leg between the skinnier man’s and pressing it against his crotch as he buries his hands in the wild hair beneath him and yanks backward to expose Dan’s throat. Arin showers kisses upon Dan’s skin as he pants swear words up at him, his large hands gripping the shoulders of the man above him tightly.

“Fuck – Arin – more, please, mmf…” His hips thrust upwards and his own thigh pushes up into the rapidly growing bulge in Arin’s shorts. Arin grunts and bites down semi-hard at the junction between Dan’s shoulder and neck, working a bruise into the skin as he grinds his hips down on Dan’s leg. They’re a mess; groaning and rutting frantically against each other as if they only have moments left to live.

One of Dan’s hands slithers down from Arin’s shoulder and scrabbles at the front of his pants, struggling to undo his belt. Arin reaches down and bats away the hand, working quickly to wriggle Dan’s jeans down as the older man’s hand settles for yanking down Arin’s basketball shorts, taking his boxers with them and freeing his throbbing erection. Arin gets the jeans open finally and tugs them downward with Dan’s underwear, pulling away to look at the man below him.

Dan has never looked more beautiful, breathing raggedly with his head lolled to the side, a dark purple hickey on his long neck and a deep red flush across his angular face. His shirt is rumpled upward and his stomach is exposed, his cock twitching slightly against it. His brown eyes slowly open and look up at Arin almost shyly, desire swimming in their depths.

“A-Arin…” he whispers, his hand cupping the younger man’s waist and tugging his hips towards his own. “Want you – nnn…”

Arin aligns their hips and slowly wraps his hand around both of their cocks, sliding his hand along their lengths and relishing the way Dan’s eyes roll back in his skull before they flutter shut and his head drops back with a gasp. He places his mouth alongside Dan’s ear.

“Yeah, you like this, Daniel?” He growls, nipping the man’s lobe sharply as he begins stroking their cocks together. “You like fucking my fist? You’re such a dirty boy…”

Dan’s long arms wrap around Arin’s broad shoulders tightly as he whimpers into the younger man’s hair, hips bucking upward into Arin’s grip. “Ahhh… Arin…”

Arin sets a quick pace, jerking them off together and focusing on Dan’s face as he releases little mewls and whines, his head swimming with the sensation of Dan’s hot flesh sliding against his own. His face presses into Dan’s hair and he lets out a groan of pleasure as he slides his thumb over their heads, smearing their precum together. He tightens his grip and speeds up, sliding his hand into Dan’s curls and tugging firmly.

“Ah..!” Dan lets out a sharp moan; his body was tensing, his thrusts growing erratic. “Arin, I’m gonna – “

His words are cut off as Arin’s mouth smothers his own, their groans intermingling. Arin’s brain is foggy, his body tense; he’s close too, Dan’s noises driving him closer and closer to the breaking point. Suddenly Dan’s body shudders underneath him, his fingers digging into Arin’s shoulders hard and his breath hitching violently.

“Arin, I – ARIN!” He gasps out against the younger man’s lips as his hips jerk upwards once, twice, three times, coming hard on Arin’s hand and his own stomach. That was it for Arin, the sensation overwhelming him as his abdomen spasms and lights explode behind his eyes. He bites down on Dan’s lower lip with a hard moan as he releases, splattering come all over Dan’s stomach.

Arin’s arms tremble and he slumps forward, removing his hand from their softening cocks and wrapping it around Dan’s waist. He gently rolls them both onto their sides facing each other, watching Dan’s face as his eyes start fluttering shut. Exhaustion overwhelms him, and he follows his friend into sleep.

* * *

 “What the fuck… What - What the fuck…”

Arin’s eyes slide open and he groans at the dull ache in his temples, squinting towards the source of the voice. Dan is sitting next to his head on the couch, staring down at himself in horror, his stomach and shirt coated in dried come with his pants halfway down his legs.

The events of the night before suddenly crash into Arin’s now sober mind and he sits up with a jolt, startling Dan, who whips around to stare at him with panicked eyes.

“Arin what – “ He whimpers, pushing his hands into his tangled hair in agitation. “What the shit happened last night? What did we do…”

Arin’s standing now, yanking up his shorts and furiously trying to scrape come off his own shirt, his neck burning with shame as he tries weakly to placate the rattled Dan.

“We were drunk, Dan, this isn’t that bad. Come on man, it’s alright – “ He reaches to touch Dan’s shoulder, but he jerks away, moving to tuck himself back into his own pants and shaking his head quickly.

“Nononono, man, no, this is not okay, this is the furthest from okay it can get,” He sounds on the verge of crying and his hands shake as he does up his belt. “So fucking stupid, what the fuck am I gonna tell Mark. I’ve got to go home like this…”

Dan’s tear filled eyes meet Arin’s and he feels his stomach drop, guilt washing over him. He didn’t want this. This was awful. All he wanted to do last night was confess his feelings, and he ended up taking advantage of his best friend while getting him drunk. He feels like human trash. He’s probably ruined Dan’s relationship with this; Dan wasn’t the type to lie about something like this so it was inevitable that Mark would find out. Dan’s distraught voice cuts into his thoughts again.

“And Suzy, what are you going to tell her?” He buries his face in his hands, a sob creeping into his tone. “This is fucked up. I’m such a fucking slut when I’m drunk, this is all my goddamn fault – “

“No.” Arin finds himself saying. Dan looks up, his face damp with tears. “It’s my fault. I’m the reason you got drunk. The watermelon last night had alcohol in it and knew that when I gave it to you.”

Dan’s eyes are full of disbelief. “Arin, why – “

“I didn’t mean for this to happen.” Arin says honestly. “I – I just wanted to confess my feelings for you.” He looks down, unable to hold Dan’s watery gaze for any longer. “But then you kissed me and I – I acted like such a fucking asshole. I should have just left you to sober up; fuck, I shouldn’t have even gotten you drunk in the first place. This is… You have every right to hate me, Dan. I’m so sorry.”

Dan is silent, unmoving. Arin steals a glance up at him. His hair is a tousled mess and there’s a dark bruise on his neck peeking out from under the neck of his shirt, which is covered in white stains. He’s looking down at his hands, which are clenched into fists in his lap.

“I’ll talk to Mark for you, if you want,” Arin says softly. Dan flinches, and he continues. “I’ll tell him it was all my fault and I came onto you while you were passed out. I don’t want this to ruin what you have with him; you don’t deserve that –“

“No.” Dan says finally, slowly unfolding his hands and getting to his feet. “I’ll just make some bullshit excuse and go back to mine and Barry’s place for a few days while this heals,” he touches the bruise on his neck and winces. “I think there’s some spare Grump shirts around the office so I’ll wear one out…”

“Danny – “

“Arin, don’t,” Dan holds up his hand to stop him, his voice weary. “I… I think it’s better and less complicated if we both forgot this. Just go home and sleep this all off and go back to normal by the next Grump session. Alright dude?”

Arin’s stomach churns and his throat tightens, but he finds himself nodding quietly in agreement. Dan walks silently passed him to the end of the couch where the white fluffy blanket he wraps himself in during recording lays folded, picking it up and draping it around his body to hide the filth on his shirt. He leaves the room without another word, leaving Arin alone.

He sinks to the floor, folding his arms on the couch seat and burying his face in them with a strangled sob, his body shaking. He’s pretty sure his heart is breaking; breaking for Dan, for his marriage, for everything. He didn’t even know if he could look at his wife after this. She was bound to notice something different between the two men, and it scares him to consider what would happen once she found out. Maybe Dan was right, he thinks to himself, sniffling and wiping away tears, climbing to his feet shakily while peeling off his soiled shirt. Maybe if they just blocked this out, went on as normal, they’d be happier. Some secrets were better left unsaid.

 

 


	2. Shattering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So much for forgetting about it everything...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is really long and very sex-heavy. Writing angst is difficult, and I admit I probably put more work into chapter 3 than this one. Still, I hope you all enjoy it!

The next week is tense. The two play things cool in front of everybody, but when it’s just the two of them and they aren’t recording the tension is so thick it’s almost palpable. Dan seems to be pushing the events out of his mind a lot better than Arin, who’s been in a constant state of edginess since that night. He’s still not sure what to make of what happened, and despite Dan’s request that they forget the whole night he can’t get it out of his mind. Details from their jaunt on the couch keep slipping invasively into his train of thought during the worst times; when he’s kissing Suzy, when he’s talking with the others, when he’s Grumping with Dan…

“Dude, you’re fucking _spaced_ as hell today.”

Fuck. Speaking of bad timing. Arin snaps out of his thoughts and focuses back on the game in front of him; some shitty game from the eighties that he’s been gradually checking out of for the past several hours. Dan’s slouched next to him on the couch, grinning at him stupidly as if nothing has changed.

“What’s up? You as checked out as I am on this shit?”

“Nah man, just thinkin’ ‘bout how good you’d look with your mouth around my dick.” Arin laughs and continues playing, suddenly aware that Dan has grown tense next to him. Maybe sexual humor wasn’t the way to go. But fuck it. If Dan wants to pretend things are normal, then fine. This is Arin’s normal.

He continues. “Then when you’re done getting it all slicked up I could bend you over this couch and – “

“Whoa, Arin, Jesus, that’s going a bit – “

“Ooooh, maybe you’re more of a top? That’s cool, I’d totally ride the fuck out of you – “

Arin is suddenly interrupted by Dan flinging himself towards the computer, uttering a rushed “Next time on Game Grumps!” before shutting down the capture and mics. He whips around to glare at Arin, who meets his stare unflinchingly.

“What in the goddamn FUCK Arin?!” Dan seethes, jaw clenched tight.

“Wow, you don’t normally get _this_ riled up at my jokes. And those weren’t even as graphic as I’ve gone on the show before.”

“You son of a bitch, you’re doing it on purpose because…” Dan stops, chewing his lip angrily. Arin raises an eyebrow at him.

“What man? You wanted normal; well this is my normal. You’re gonna have to put up with it at some point. The fans love it when I get all homoerotic on you.”

“For the love of god, just shut up – “

“The only reason you’re getting so worked up is because you can’t let it go, right? You’ve been thinking about this more than me, I bet. How much you want it again – “

Dan’s fists suddenly clench in the material of Arin’s t-shirt and yank him forward, mouth crashing against Arin’s and effectively shutting him up. Arin reciprocates just as violently with little hesitation. It’s not a gentle kiss. It’s sloppy and wet; their teeth clicking together every so often. Dan pulls away just as abruptly as he started the kiss, his breathing short, his mouth red and wet.

"What am I doing… what the fuck am I doing.” Dan breathes raggedly, still clutching Arin’s shirt. His hair tickles Arin’s nose as he lowers his head, more unintelligible whispers tumbling from his mouth.

“Dan - “

“Shut up Arin. Just fucking…” Dan lifts his head and presses another open-mouthed kiss against his lips, this one gentler but by no means less passionate. Arin can’t stifle the groan that rises in his chest at this, and the noise seems to excite Dan further. His long fingers finally untangle from the neck of Arin’s shirt, moving swiftly down to rip it up over the younger man’s head, breaking the kiss for just a moment. Arin’s own fingers are shakily working on undoing the buttons of Dan’s flannel, slowly revealing more of Dan’s skin to his touch. Dan’s hands swat his away impatiently and his buttons spring open quickly, the shirt thrown unceremoniously to the floor. Once his arms are free of the material they wrap around Arin’s waist. Dan begins leaning into him, pushing him further back on the couch. Arin doesn’t resist in the slightest as Dan climbs on top of him, straddling his hips and grinding down roughly with his hips.

“Gah, Danny, fuck…” Arin gasps breathlessly at the friction, his cock already a bit more than half-hard in his sweatpants. From the feel of it Dan’s already fully there. Arin’s head is suddenly yanked back by Dan’s long fingers twining in his smooth hair. A throaty groan climbs from his chest as Dan’s stubble scratches his throat, followed by the sharp pain of teeth in his neck. Arin whimpers when Dan’s soft tongue laps the spot briefly before trailing down to his chest. He grips Dan’s narrow hips for dear life as they continue to gyrate against him, his lips traveling lower and lower…

“Fuck,” Arin’s hips thrust upwards against Dan as the latter’s tongue swirls around a nipple before his lips close around it and give it a delicate bite. Arin’s writhing and gasping beneath him by the time he pulls away.

“You like that, Arin baby?” Dan’s voice is a low croon, edged with a dark undertone. “You sound like such a whore with all those noises…” He tugs at Arin’s hair again and a whine bubbles from his throat.

“God, Danny, yeah, I’m such a whore for you… God I need you. Please…”

He whines in protest as Dan’s weight suddenly lifts from his hips, but he’s silenced by a deep kiss. Strong hands grip his waistband and yank it down. Arin’s glad he had foregone underwear that morning as Dan’s fingers wrap around him unhesitatingly and give him a firm stroke, causing Arin to see stars. Once his vision clears he looks down to find Dan kneeling in front of him, resting his cheek on Arin’s thigh and giving him a burning look as his long fingers stroke the younger man steadily. Without breaking eye contact, Dan lifts his head and slowly and deliberately trails just the tip of his tongue over Arin’s leaking head. A shudder runs through Arin’s body and he drops his head back into the couch cushions with a shaky moan, only to raise it again so he can continue to watch Dan’s mouth work his cock.

A breathy chuckle slips from Dan’s lips before he wraps them around Arin’s tip and slowly lowers his head, effortlessly deep throating him in one go. Arin’s eyes roll back and he fists one hand in the mess of curls between his legs, relishing the groan Dan releases around his cock. Long fingers dig into Arin’s thigh briefly before sliding up to squeeze his base as Dan bobs his head rhythmically, taking him in deep with every single swallow. Arin’s glad for the soundproofing in the room, because there’s no hope of containing the noises of ecstasy Dan’s coaxing from him with just his mouth. Dan’s cheeks hollow and the flat of his tongue slicks along the vein in the underside of Arin’s cock as he lifts his head. Arin whines as the cold air of the room replaces the hot wetness of Dan’s lips, but Dan’s hand wraps around him instead as his mouth trails down to press open mouthed kisses against Arin’s balls.

A strangled noise erupts from Arin’s chest as he feels a familiar heat pooling low in his abdomen. He clenches his fingers tighter in Dan’s hair, thrusting his hips and fucking the older man’s fist. Dan holds his hips down firmly with one hand and resumes his sucking, swirling his tongue around the tip before sinking down quickly, staring up at Arin through his eyelashes as he takes him deep. And like that Arin’s gone, growling out Dan’s name brokenly as he finishes in the other man’s mouth.

Dan’s silent as he pulls back and swipes the back of one hand across his lips and stands up, taking a few steps away to grab his Pepsi and wash the taste of Arin’s come from his mouth.

“S-so much for forgetting about everything…” Arin pants, tugging his sweatpants back up his hips. Dan looks at him sharply and Arin flinches a bit.

“We are going to forget about it.” Dan says shortly. “I just wanted to be in control of the situation this time. This won’t happen again, got it?”

Arin nods weakly, swallowing the lump in his throat. “Yeah, okay. Got it…”

* * *

 

It’s not even two weeks later when Arin finds himself pinned to the wall in a closet with his legs around Dan’s waist, getting harshly fucked into the wall. He stifles a groan against Dan’s neck as the older man pants against his collarbone, his fingers dug into Arin’s hips as he holds him up with more strength than Arin realized he was capable of. He whimpers a warning into Dan’s ear as his hand strokes his cock, which is pinned between their sweaty torsos. Dan grunts and begins thrusting harder, hitting Arin’s prostate on every go. He comes without much warning, shuddering and burying his head in Arin’s throat with a muffled groan, hips jerking to a halt. Arin whines and finishes with a few more strokes, trying to catch what he can with his hand to keep it off their clothes.

“Are you good to stand?” Dan whispers to him, arms beginning to tremble from holding Arin’s weight. Arin nods weakly and slowly unwraps his legs, holding Dan’s shoulders for support as he stands. They remain leaning against one another for a few moments, the silence only broken by their ragged breathing. Arin pulls away first, grabbing a paper towel from one of the shelves in the closet and wiping off his hand as Dan tucks himself away and zips up his pants.

“I should get back to the Grump Room.” Arin finally says awkwardly as he pulls his sweats back up his hips. “I’ve got to film some more Grumpcade…”

“With Mark. I know.” Dan says softly, smoothing wrinkles from his shirt. “I’m gonna head out for the day. I’ll text you.”

Arin opens his mouth to say something, but Dan’s already gone, slipping from the closet into the dark hallway. Arin chews his lip and sighs as he exits the closet as well, heading in the direction of the Grump Room and hoping Mark won’t be able to smell the sex on him.

* * *

 

Dan actually doesn’t text for another week, their interactions since the closet being mostly filming and smalltalk between episodes. Arin’s worried the lovelies will eventually be able to pick up on the new awkwardness that’s different from their usual stupid banter. He still doesn’t even know what to call what he and Dan are doing. When he’s with the older man he feels warm, safe, loved. The same feelings he gets with his wife.

His wife…

He rakes a hand back through his hair and heaves a sigh. Suzy hasn’t suspected a thing, being busy with getting her taxidermy and her livestreams done on schedule. The first time they made love after the initial incident, Arin cried in the shower for almost ten minutes from the shame. He wonders if it’s the same with Dan when he’s with Mark…

Almost as if summoned by his thought, Dan’s ringtone chimes through the silence of his living room and Arin starts a bit. Fishing the phone out from between the couch cushions where it had fallen, he reads the message on the screen.

**I need you. Now.**

Arin’s heart speeds up in excitement even as a pit of guilt yawns in his gut. He hurriedly moves to reply.

**Where? Office is locked for the night and Suzy’s home.**

It’s barely thirty seconds later when he gets a message back.

**Motel?**

**Alright. I know one.**

Arin quickly types in the address while slipping into a pair of sandals. He takes a deep breath to steady himself before tapping softly on the door to Suzy’s taxidermy room, where she’s currently streaming. At her perky ‘come in!’ he nudges the door open and pokes his head in.

“Hey, babe,” he says as casually as he can muster. “I’m gonna go hang with Dan for a couple hours. He’s got some ideas for Starbomb he want’s to go over with me.”

“Alright!” Suzy flashes a dazzling smile and he feels a pang in his heart. “I’m gonna be streaming until about one.”

Arin nods and steps back, pulling the door shut and walking quickly toward the front door, excitement and anxiety swirling and mixing in his stomach.

* * *

 

“Started to think you weren’t coming, dude,” Arin says, stepping back from the door to the motel to let Dan enter the room. Dan pulls a bottle of lube from his pocket and tosses it to the bed. He shrugs the garment off his shoulders and tosses it to the floor before turning towards Arin.

“Yeah, traffic was a bitch. Also, way to pick the most inconveniently far-off location for a tryst, Arin.”

“Is that what this is?” Arin asks, a little startled by how fast Dan is shedding clothes, his shirt already on the floor with his jacket.

“I dunno,” Dan says, shrugging his thin shoulders and stepping close to Arin, draping his arms around his neck. “Can you just get into bed and fuck me already?”

Dan shifts his hips forward against Arin’s as he speaks and Arin’s more than a little surprised to feel Dan’s already hard within his jeans. His own cock stirs in his pants as he cups Dan’s jaw and pulls him into a searing kiss, walking him backwards toward the bed as he does so. The backs of Dan’s knees bump the bed briefly before a push from Arin sends him tumbling back against the mattress. He shifts up on his elbows and wriggles backwards until he’s half propped against the pillows, palming himself through his jeans as he watches Arin peel off his tank top.

“God your body is incredible…” Dan murmurs as Arin crawls up the bed towards him, settling his weight between the other man’s legs. Arin hides the color that rises in his cheeks at the compliment by burying his face in Dan’s neck, bashfully peppering the skin with tiny kisses.

“S’not all that great,” he mutters between pecks. Dan grabs his face and pulls him up into a surprisingly soft kiss, flashing an affectionate grin up at the younger man.

“It definitely is,” he breathes against Arin’s lips. “Take off my pants…”

Arin needs no second bidding as he practically tears the skinny jeans from Dan’s legs, groaning in surprise when he sees that Dan has gone commando for the evening.

Dan suddenly blushes a bit, looking nervous. “Um, I want… Arin can you…”

“Yeah?”

“I want you to, uh,” he flushes a deeper red and wriggles a bit against Arin’s body. “I want you to top this time.”

Arin’s heart skips a beat as his mind processes the request before he dives forward, pressing his full weight into Dan as he showers kisses across the other’s lean chest and shoulders, dragging his hands roughly up Dan’s sides.

“God I’ve wanted to hear you say that for so long, Danny…” He growls, nipping Dan’s earlobe sharply.

“W-wait.” Dan’s hands push against his chest and he pulls away a bit, his breathing hitched. Arin looks at him in confusion and is surprised by the blush he finds on Dan’s face. 

“I’ve… I’ve never bottomed before, Arin…” He sounds embarrassed, shy. Arin is in disbelief.

“Wait seriously, dude? You’ve been fucking guys for how long? And you’ve never tried bottoming?”

Dan rubs his hands over his face to hide the flush that rises in his cheeks, mumbling a ‘shut up’ from behind his palms. Arin chuckles and pulls him in close again by the hips, pressing his arousal against Dan. Dan trembles when he feels Arin’s length poking him in the thigh through his pants and peeks up at him through his fingers. Brushing a lock of hair from his face, Arin grins down at him as he lines their hips up and slowly humps forward, pressing himself against Dan’s ass. Dan whimpers and pushes his hands into Arin’s hair as he continues moving, grunting every so often when Arin’s stomach traps his cock against his own belly. This continues until Dan is all but writhing underneath Arin, his breathing hitched and his touches needy. 

“A-Arin, I can’t fucking take this teasing, “ He pants, hand sliding down to stroke himself slowly. “Just do me already, goddamn you.”

Arin plants a kiss on Dan’s sharp collarbone and leans away to grab the lube. He drizzles the liquid liberally over his fingers and immediately presses one at Dan’s entrance, causing the older man to shudder and shift his hips slightly. Arin’s slow as he works the finger in, carefully observing Dan’s face as he adjusts to the feeling of being penetrated. He looks slightly uncomfortable, but his mouth is open and he’s letting out some very lovely gasping moans.

“Fuck, Danny,” Arin whispers, stroking Dan’s cock lightly as he works him. Dan lets out a fucking _mew_ and Arin’s cock twitches almost painfully. He begins to slide in a second finger, stopping when Dan’s face contorts and his breathing grows harsh, his hands flying to Arin’s shoulders and squeezing hard.

“N-no, don’t stop,” He whimpers, rolling his hips down onto Arin’s hand a bit. “Need you in me – unh…”

Arin leans down to place his lips along Dan’s neck and drags his teeth down his skin, following Dan’s request and continuing to push the second finger in. Dan’s legs are spread wide and he’s panting and keening, his face endearingly red. Arin carefully scissors the two fingers, stretching the man beneath him, who jerks but doesn’t pull away. His lips move to Dan’s chest, sucking and nipping as he goes. Dan is full on moaning, almost wailing, by the time Arin slips in the third finger. He bites down hard on Dan’s chest, working a deep bruise into the other’s flesh as he tries to keep his pace slow. But the sounds Dan is making beneath him are goddamn _sinful_ , and he’s finding it difficult to keep from blowing his load in his pants just from that.

“Arin, Jesus Christ – “ A trembling hand grips his wrist tight and he sits back a bit to look down at the older man. Dan’s face is red, his mouth open, his chest heaving. His hair is spread in a chaotic halo of curls around his head, one of his hands buried firmly in the mess.

“Arin, get inside me already, fucking - “ Dan’s words cut off with a harsh cry as Arin abruptly curls his fingers inside him and presses against his prostate. His back arches and his body shudders so hard Arin’s afraid he’s coming already, but he quickly settles, looking up at Arin through dazed eyes. “Fuck, you better do that again, but with your dick. Right. Fucking. Now.”

Arin doesn’t need to be told twice. He carefully pulls his fingers out and grabs the bottle of lube, shoving his pants down his thighs as he does so. Dan strokes himself slowly, biting his lip as he watches Arin trickle the liquid over his own cock.

Arin’s gentle as he presses his head at Dan’s entrance, looping his arms under the other man’s skinny legs and lifting his hips. He keeps his eyes on Dan’s face when he pushes forwards gently; Dan’s head falls back against the pillows, his hand yanks at his own hair, his mouth opens in a groan, his eyes roll back in his head before fluttering closed. He looks like the embodiment of lust, and it’s all Arin can do to keep his movement slow and gradual, until he’s buried completely inside Dan.

His head drops to Dan’s shoulder as he holds himself steady, taking deep breaths and waiting for permission to move. Eventually he feels a very slight roll of Dan’s hips against his own and a breathy ‘move’ tinged with desire. He presses his palms to the bed and pulls back a few inches before thrusting back into the tight heat of Dan’s body. Dan presses his head back in the pillows with a groan, redoubling the grip he’s got on his own hair and pulling harder. His other hand circles Arin’s shoulders, digging short nails into Arin’s skin as the younger man falls into an lazy rhythm.

Soft groans and whimpers fill the room, accompanied by an occasional swear or the other’s name. Arin’s marveling at the feel of Dan’s body against his when he shifts positions a bit, hiking Dan’s legs up over his shoulders and pressing closer to his body, when Dan shudders hard and arches his back with a whine of pleasure.

“A-Arin, there - !” he gasps, voice trembling. “There, again! Please…!”

Arin acquiesces gladly, picking up his pace and thrusting into the older man harder, faster, coaxing more delicious whines and whimpers from his mouth. The sounds are muffled as Arin’s lips crash down on Dan’s in a sloppy kiss, tongue sliding against the other’s almost immediately.

He’s practically slamming into Dan when he feels a familiar tensing in his loins. Not yet. He wants Dan to come first, needs to see him lose it beneath him… He grits his teeth and continues thrusting, not wanting to stop until Dan’s done. He wraps a firm hand around Dan’s cock and starts stroking quickly, almost frantically. Both his hands fly to Arin’s shoulders, gripping his solid biceps tightly as his eyes roll back in his head and he shudders hard and without warning, spraying thick come all over his stomach and chest, a wordless cry of pleasure ringing out. As his body quivers and tightens around Arin’s cock Arin finally allows himself to let go. With two more thrusts he spills into Dan’s heat, gasping Dan’s name in ecstasy.

Arin’s arms tremble in exhaustion, but he holds his position, hovering over Dan and watching his eyes flutter shut, a faint smile ghosting across his lips. “Arin…”

Arin leans forward a bit more, brushing a tendril of hair from Dan’s eyes as he does so. “Hmm?”

“…love you…”

Arin’s pulse thunders in his ears and he freezes, staring down at the still sex-dazed Dan. “What was that?”

“I love you…” Dan murmurs again, his hands sliding down Arin’s biceps tiredly, legs unwinding from his waist. He’s starting to fall asleep. Arin shifts his hips and pulls out of Dan, resulting in a displeasured groan from the man below him. Arin cups Dan’s face in his hands, staring down. “Dan.”

“What, dude, m’ sleepy…” He wiggles a little, turning his face away.

“Danny, you just told me you love me.”

Dan goes still, the groggily satisfied smile fading gradually as his eyes slide open to look up at Arin. He looks like a deer in headlights, and his mouth drops open a bit.

“I – did I?”

“Yeah, dude,” Arin shakily runs a hand through his hair, shaking through some tangles as he sits back. Dan sits up sluggishly, wincing as he moves his pelvis, wiping come off himself with a fistful of the bed’s comforter. “Dan, what is this between us?”

“Huh?” Dan’s not looking at him; he’s carefully scrutinizing the pattern of the blanket “I don’t really know what you mean by that.”

“Yes you do.”

“Arin, I don’t want to do this right now – “

“You just want to do me, is that right?” Arin’s tone comes across harsher than he means it to be and Dan flinches, hand going to his hair to card through it in his usual nervous habit. Arin softens his tone as he continues. “Danny, what do you feel for me?”

“You’re my friend,” Dan says stiffly, still not meeting his eyes. “And we fuck sometimes. “

“You know what I fucking mean, Daniel. Just friends don’t fuck each other while they’ve got significant others.” Dan flinches at his tone and he softens it. “Danny… you know how I feel about you already. I need to know how you feel about me. For real. I… I can’t keep doing this until I know where we stand with each other.”

“I –“ Dan stumbles from the bed, limping around the room to gather his clothes. “I have to go. Mark’s gonna get back soon and – “

“How can you go running right back to him right after something like this?” Arin says in disbelief.

Dan’s head snaps up, his eyes angry. “Oh like it’s any different from you going back to sleep in your wife’s arms every night?”

The words sting like a slap to the face, and Arin knows he deserves them. Dan pulls his jeans on, moving gingerly from the soreness.

“I’m going back to Mark’s, Arin.” He says quietly, tugging his shirt on and shrugging into his jacket. “I need to think. About a lot of things. And I need to sleep.”

Arin finds himself nodding, moving to collect his own garments from where they are scattered. An odd silence falls when they’re both dressed, standing across from each other awkwardly.

“I’ll go first,” Arin offers. “I need to check out. You can leave after if you want.”

“Yeah,” Dan agrees, looking at his shoes.

As Arin exits the room and makes his way to the lobby of the shitty little motel to check out, he continues replaying Dan’s words in his head; those three words, tinged with contentedness and sleep. He’s still repeating them to himself as he climbs into his car, gripping the steering wheel tight.

“Fuck,” he whispers, leaning forward to rest his forehead against the wheel, tears he wasn’t aware were welling up now spilling down his cheeks. This is stupid. He’s stupid. Arin thought the feelings would fade the more he and Dan fucked around; that it would eventually leave their systems as the thrill faded. But that wasn’t the case. He’s in too deep now…

They both are.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is much appreciated! Let me know how I'm doing!


	3. Falling Apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything is falling apart...

In the early hours of the morning Dan wakes with a soft groan, aching and sore in an unfamiliar way. He’s still wearing what he wore the day before, and now there’s a well-muscled arm draped over his waist. Mark must have come home at some point while he was asleep. Dan half-rolls over to look at the other man, letting his eyes trace his face in the weak light cast from the alarm clock. He feels a throb of guilt at the wound in his heart as he looks at Mark’s peacefully slumbering form. Literally hours before he had been in the arms of another man; touching, kissing, whispering things that shouldn’t be uttered aloud –

A wave of claustrophobia sets in and Dan carefully wriggles free of Mark’s embrace, climbing from the bed and padding quietly towards the kitchen in search of water.

He mechanically goes through the motions of grabbing a glass, filling it with ice, and turning on the water, but he doesn’t move the glass into the stream. He sets it on the counter and cups his hands under the flow, splashing it up into his face and shivering a little at the chill.

“We’re in a drought, you know.”

Dan sputters through another splash and whips around, heart hammering. Mark is awake, leaning against the doorway with his hair rumpled and glasses slightly crooked. He gives a little grin to the older male. “Think of the environment, Danny, jeez. My water bill is high enough as it is.”

He crosses the room and reaches past Dan to turn off the faucet. As the water drips to a halt, Dan finds his words.

“I – I didn’t mean to wake you up…” He starts, pushing a hand into his hair to rustle it nervously. Mark shakes his head.

“Wasn’t really sleepin’ very hard anyway. I was hopin’ you’d be awake when I got home, but you were conked out like the dead. “

Another twinge of guilt. “Yeah… Starbomb’s really tearing us a new one.” He forces a chuckle. “You’d think writing songs about video games and dick jokes would be an easy gig but it’s a ball buster.”

Mark hums softly and reaches one hand to cup Dan’s face and look up into his eyes. “You really need to take things easier, you know? You can’t write if you burn out, babe.”

Dan doesn’t reply, and Mark’s hand travels down his jaw, over his collarbone, traces down his ribs, and finally curls around his waist to tug him closer. Their hips are nearly flush. Dan can feel the heat rising in his cheeks.

“Mark… uh…”

“Yeah..?” He’s looking up at Dan through his eyelashes with a damnably sexy expression on his face. When he gets no reply he slips the other hand around Dan’s waist, trailing them down to caress his hips. “It’s been what, two weeks since we last did this? You’ve been working so hard… How about I help with some of the tension?”

His lower back bumps into the kitchen counter as Mark presses against him, Dan’s breath hitching a little as his boyfriend’s strong hands grip his slender hips. Mark begins sliding his hands up Dan’s shirt, trailing kisses along his jaw and humming out a laugh as the taller man groans his name. Dan seizes Mark’s face and drags it up to his own, leaning down to kiss him roughly. The tension was fading, the guilt slipping to the back of his mind. This was what he needed, he thinks to himself as they break apart for a moment so Mark can peel Dan’s shirt over his head and toss it to the floor. A bit of normalcy among all the insanity going on. Marks lips trail from Dan’s mouth to his throat again, and Dan tips his head back with a groan as Mark bites lightly on his Adams apple. Mark pulls back for a moment and Dan can feel the shorter man’s breath washing down over his narrow chest as Mark looks over him. Suddenly he feels Mark tense against him.

“Danny?” His voice is a little breathy, but edged with confusion.

“Hnn?” Dan’s response is little more than a groan, his mind foggy. He just wants those lips against his skin again…

“Is that a… a hickey?”

Dan’s head snaps up and he stares down at his boyfriend, who’s gazing at the purplish discoloration on his left pectoral. The one Arin left not 8 hours prior.

A trickle of cold fear runs down his back. “Th-this? A - no, why the fuck would it be that?” He says loudly, forcing joviality into his tone. “I tripped over my own bigass feet and busted myself on the corner of a desk at work - “

“I know what a goddamn hickey looks like, Daniel, and we haven’t had sex in forever.” His voice is rising. “Why do you have one on your fucking chest?”

“It’s not - “

“TELL ME.”

Dan flinches back in shock; he’s heard Mark shout before during his videos, but never like this. Never with true anger. 

“I - “

Mark grabs his skinny shoulders and forces him to look down into his dark eyes. There’s hurt. Betrayal. Confusion. “Danny…” his voice is a whisper now, a tremble in his tone. Dan feels like he’s going to vomit. “Danny, baby, are you… are you cheating on me?”

Dan can’t answer. The words are stuck in his throat and he feels like he can’t breathe. His mouth is hanging open, his eyes wide and panicked. His silence seems to tell Mark all he needs to know and he releases Dan with a bit of a push, turning to walk quickly a few paces away. Shoving his hands through his hair roughly, he whips around to walk back towards Dan, who’s still standing where he was, staring at the ground with the same vacantly shocked expression. 

“Who…?”

Dan’s head jerks up and he stammers. "Wh-what?” 

Mark sighs and looks at him tiredly. “Don’t pretend you didn’t hear me. Who put that on you?”

“A-“ Dan catches himself, biting his lip and turning away to avoid his boyfriend’s gaze. “Does it matter? Would that change anything?”

“Dan. Please. Don’t fucking lie to me anymore.”

Dan takes a few steps away and drops to the couch, curling into a tight ball on his side and gathering his fists in his hair. Mark’s right; he’s already fucking cheated on him so he at least owes him the truth.

“A-Arin…” he finds himself whispering with tears welling up. “It was Arin. Mark, I’m s - “ 

“Arin?” Marks voice is shocked, still tired, but shocked nonetheless. Dan chances a peek up at the other man. Mark’s fists are bunched at his sides, his mouth hanging open slackly and his eyes startled. “He - He’s married. To a woman. To Suzy.”

No words come to mind, and Dan presses his face into the cushions. Mark’s words filter through the roaring in his ears. “How long has this been going on?”

So he could tell this wasn’t a one-time thing. “… Since Ross’s birthday party.”

“Christ…” He sounds ill. “So ruining one relationship wasn’t enough for you?”

His tone turns sharp. Accusatory. Dan flinches and feels the tears spilling over onto his cheeks now. 

“Honest to fucking god, Mark, I didn’t mean for this to happen. We were both drunk and - “

Mark’s shaking his head slowly, eyes shut tight. “I don’t care what the circumstances were.” His eyes open and fix on Dan’s. “I’m assuming Suzy doesn’t know about this.”

Dan sits up with a jolt, panic climbing in his chest. “Mark don’t tell her, please don’t. She doesn’t deserve that - “

“So I should just lie to her about the fact that her husband’s been fucking around with his best friend? What kind of friend would that make me?” 

Dan recoils as if slapped. “I - “

“She needs to know.” Mark’s voice is strong; he had made up his mind. 

Dan scrambles off the couch and moves towards Mark quickly, grabbing the front of the shorter mans shirt tightly and forcing himself to look into his eyes pleadingly.

“Mark… I am BEGGING you… Please don’t do this. Be mad at me; hate me if that’s what you need to do. But please, don’t tell Suze. This would fucking break her heart- “

"Are you defending her feelings or Arin’s right now?” 

The words are soft, but Dan feels like he’s been punched in the stomach. He droops forwards slowly, his forehead coming to rest on Mark’s shoulder. Silent sobs begin to well up in his chest, causing him to shake uncontrollably. His fingers tighten in the fabric, holding on for dear life as he keens. Mark is unmoving, and Dan wishes he would just hold him, kiss him, forgive him.

“Mark…” He rasps, turning to press his face into Mark’s neck and pressing his lips to the man’s jugular. He can feel the pulse there, strong, but elevated. “I – I love you. I’m so so fucking sorry. I fucked up. Please, baby. I love – “

“Danny, just stop it.” Mark murmurs, reaching up to grip Dan’s wrists and pull his hands from his shirt and pushing them down to his sides. Dan wriggles them free and frantically tries to wrap them around Marks waist, panic welling up. Mark grabs him by the upper arms and pushes him firmly back. He’s much stronger than Dan, and he whimpers at the tight grip of those hands on his arms. Hands he used to love feeling running over his body. When did that change? When did he begin to crave another man’s hands? He begins to tremble, feeling dizzy. He’s aware of Mark’s hands leaving his arms as he heads for the door.

“Mark…” his voice is a strangled whisper, and Mark looks back at him, keys in hand. His eyes soften very slightly and he sighs.

“I’m not going to tell Suzy right now. I need some time to think. I’m going for a drive.” He turns away. “…You should probably get your stuff and go, though.”

Dan feels a stab of agony in his chest at the meaning behind this; Mark wants him to move out. Right now. He barely registers the door opening and closing as Mark exits the house. His knees tremble, and he sinks to the carpet with a sob, burying his face in his palms. Everything was falling apart so fast; when did it get this bad? Arin…

That’s right. Arin. Dan shoots to his feet and scoops his discarded shirt form the floor as he rushes towards Mark’s bedroom to snatch his keys. Arin would know how to handle this more calmly; maybe he could even placate Mark. Dan clings to this hope in his brain as he hurries out the door and clambers into his car, telling Siri to dial Arin’s number as he does so. He drops the phone onto the passenger seat and hits speaker as he throws his car in drive and pulls out, struggling to keep the speed limit.

Arin picks up on the third ring, just as Dan’s starting to grow anxious that he won’t pick up at all.

“H’lo?” Arin’s voice is muddled from sleep. “You okay, man? It’s like three a.m….”

“Mark knows about us.” Dan blurts without preamble. There’s silence on the line. “He saw that stupid fucking hickey you left and he’s kicked me out. I – I don’t know if he’s going to tell Suzy or come after you or – “

“Where are you?” Arin is very much awake now, from the rustling in the background it sounds like he’s pulling on clothes. “I’ll come meet you.”

“I’m driving.” Dan replies, fingers drumming nervously against the steering wheel as he pulls up to a stoplight. “There’s a park we can go to… It’s where I go to walk. It should be empty – “ He rattles off the address and Arin hangs up as soon as he’s got it. No time for goodbye. 

* * *

Dan’s pacing around a bench by the time Arin finds him, dragging a hand through his already mussed hair every so often. Arin says his name as he approaches and Dan whips around, looking frazzled. He moves towards him swiftly, throwing his arms around Arin’s neck.

“I’m sorry Arin, I’m sorry, I was stupid and didn’t tell him no when he wanted to fuck and he saw – “

“Hey,” Arin says, rubbing Dan’s back soothingly. “Hey, calm down, it’s okay. Just breathe, baby, breathe.”

“Arin, how is this okay?!” Dan pulls away from him and rakes both hands through his hair once more, the glitter of tears present in his brown eyes. “Arin, Mark’s gonna tell Suzy, then everyone else is going to find out, and then that’s it! Shit’s hitting the fan and we can’t fucking stop it! How the shit can you be calm about this?”

Arin takes a long breath, closing his eyes. It’s not like he hadn’t thought of this happening; it was inevitable really. This relationship– if one could call it that – was a time bomb, ready to go off at any moment and obliterate everyone and everything around them with the shrapnel. The only way to lessen the damage would be to take control of the situation. And for that to happen…

“We have to come clean about this.” Arin finds himself saying quietly. Dan gapes at him like he’s just confessed to being a serial killer. He continues. “Dan, if we hide this and wait for Mark to tell everyone, it’s only going to end worse. We need to finally tell the truth about everything; the truth about us.”

Dan’s backing away, shaking his head. “No, Arin, I can’t – “ He chokes on his words, whispering. “Arin, you didn’t see how Mark reacted; he… he never gets mad, he’s never yelled at me before. I can’t take that from everyone, from our friends and family… We should just fucking leave, start over somewhere else - ”

Arin moves to stand close to Dan again, taking him gently by the shoulders and making the older man meet his gaze.

“This is my fault. I started this mess; started these feelings you’re having. But you came back for more. You had a choice and I had a choice. And we fucked up. We have to face this, man. We can’t just up and leave the ones we love. Haven’t we hurt them enough?”

Dan’s bony fist collides with Arin’s face, breaking his nose. Arin’s head snaps backward, but doesn’t step back or pull away, even as Dan continues hitting him in the face and chest. He flinches as each wild swing lands, but stays solid and silent as Dan screams at him.

“These are our fucking LIVES you’re talking about, Arin!! You think Suzy’s just gonna UNDERSTAND why you fucking cheated on her? Because Mark sure didn’t understand me!” The punches are growing weaker. "Our families won’t want anything to do with us - You think the fans are gonna understand when you guys split and they all find out it was because you and I were fucking behind everyone’s backs?! We won’t have ANYTHING - “ His blows are bouncing ineffectively off of Arin’s chest, no more than small smacks against the muscle.

“Danny, we won’t have anything if we run, either.”

Dan freezes, his eyes snapping to Arin’s. There’s blood dripping from his nose down into his mustache and goatee, a bruise is welling along his right cheekbone. His brown eyes are sad. Just so fucking sad.

Dan breaks, slumping forward against Arin’s chest with his arms around his shoulders as he bursts into chest-heaving sobs. Arin wordlessly wraps his arms around him and rubs his back gently, rocking the man side to side slowly. They stay like this for what seems like forever as Dan’s bawling calms to small weepy hiccups, his breathing erratic.

“I’m…” He manages, his voice muffled against Arin’s chest. “I’m sorry. I’msorryI’msorryI’msorry… Arin I’m sorry...”

“Shh. Calm down.” Arin soothes, reaching up to stroke Dan’s curly hair tenderly. “I’ve got you, buddy. Your punches are weak as shit anyways.”

Dan hiccups out a short laugh, squeezing Arin tighter. “So stupid…”

“We’re both stupid.”

Dan winces, keeping his face pressed into the comforting warmth. “Arin… I’m so fucking scared right now. I don’t know what we’re going to do.”

Arin sighs, turning his head to place a soft kiss against Dan’s hair. “I do. It’s not going to be easy. It’s going to hurt, and everything’s going to change. But we can’t just not do anything.”

“Hnn?”

“I’m going to talk to Suzy myself. We’re probably going to end up divorcing – “ Dan whimpers again, shivering. “ – and we’re both going to have to talk to our friends.”

There’s silence, interrupted only by Dan’s broken sniffling. Arin’s about to speak, but Dan beats him to it.

“Arin… you know… You know how you asked me last night how I feel about you?”

Arin’s heart leaps into his throat. “Y – Yeah?”

“I think I’ve figured it out,” Dan shifts away slightly, enough for their eyes to meet, their faces inches from one another. “I love you. I don’t know if this happened when we started this mess or if it was always there and I just didn’t see it, but I’m sure now. I love you, Arin.”

Dan’s hand slides up along Arin’s jaw and Arin leans forward, closing the distance between their lips in a feather-light kiss. It’s chaste and short, but it speaks volumes. Even with the looming presence of the fucked up situation, in that moment everything feels alright.

* * *

 

There’s a lot of crying on both sides when Arin breaks the news to Suzy the next day. Though she’s definitely more understanding about everything than Mark had been with Danny, she’s still hurt badly, and Arin feels ashamed at the mix of love and pain in her green eyes. She agrees that a divorce is probably the best thing for them, as there’s been too much lying and deception to really salvage what has happened.

Arin gathers some of his things and stays at Dan and Barry’s that night. Dan has told Barry and Arin feels a twinge of pain at the look Barry gives him when he enters the house. Keeping his face down, he shuffles down the hall to Dan’s room with his bag. Dan is curled in his bed hugging a pillow, a damp spot in the fabric from where he’s been crying into it. Arin silently climbs into bed with the older man – his lover now, he supposes – and wraps him in a hug. Today was hard. But the next few days would be the hardest…

* * *

 

“Hey all you lovelies,” Arin says, a small, very much fake smile on his face. “I’m Arin.”

“And I’m Danny.” Dan says from beside him on the couch, a similar smile on his own face, though his eyes hold all the roiling emotions he’s feeling.

“We’re the Game Grumps,” Arin continues, his eyes fixed on the camera. “We wanted to make this video to tell you about what’s going on. Some… some things have happened lately. Some really shitty things. Both in our personal and professional lives.”

He stops for a breath and feels Dan’s hand touch his knee, just below the camera’s line of sight.

Arin swallows and goes on. “Well, bad is an understatement. These things… have affected us pretty deeply. This isn’t something we can bounce back from. And… and we wanted to tell you all that we will no longer be putting out new episodes.”

Fuck. He can feel the tears welling a bit, but he blinks them back.

“You guys have been amazing. We still can’t believe how much this channel has grown in the past three years. But… some things have gotta come to an end, and this is one of those things.”

Dan’s hand is now in his own, still where the camera can’t see it. He gives the younger man a small, supportive squeeze.

“The channel’s going to be staying up, so don’t worry about that. We want you guys to be able to look back and keep laughing at all our stupid shit. Don’t worry about us though, and try not to feel sad. We’re moving on with our lives and we don’t really know where they’re going yet. I’m going to pick up my animating a bit more on Egoraptor, so don’t be scared of me disappearing completely.”

“And I’m still going to be doing Ninja Sex Party, if you guys still need a Danny Sexbang fix every now and then,” Dan says next to him with a little laugh in an attempt to lighten the mood, but it’s hollow. Arin’s mouth quirks up a little at the corner and he sweeps his thumb over the back of Dan’s hand.

“Thank you all for everything you’ve done for us.”

“We love you guys so much.”

Arin can feel his control slipping as he hears the rawness of Dan’s voice. He forces himself to look straight at the camera and not at his lover, who he knows has tears in his eyes.

“Goodbye.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry ;_;


End file.
